Bound By The Outside World

"We are all contained within our own mental boundaries, 

each according to our own individual awareness. 

Many people live bound by the world outside them 

because they know not of an inside world. 

In order to bring a sense of stability into their lives, 

people cling to the outside world to control how they feel. 

They try to give to themselves a sense of love and well-being, 

and yet it is largely beyond their control 

because their love is based outside them."
~Ron Rathbun

Ever notice how we all can fall victim to the "false Gods" of money, work, relationships, sex, love, the internet, or some other pervasive or clandestine addiction? Hell, even a text message or response to a status update causes a little surge in dopamine that helps us feel better.  Before you know it, we're hooked.  I've found myself addicted to people, places, and things before I even knew what happened, like I was some kind of crack baby.  What the hell happened?  How did I get there? It isn't my fault, and it's not yours.  It's easy to do. People who cling to the outside world are very good at what they do.  It's very easy to join them in their ideas that the marriage, the job, the house, the car, the special brand of religion or spirituality they practice, is the answer to filling up the hole in their souls.  This is ego, telling us we are not complete.  The truth is, there is no hole in our souls.  Some of us never escape the chase, unable to realize for even a minute that there is nothing to do, 

be or say that can complete us, because

we are already complete.

What would life be like

if you had no need to prove yourself?

How would it change your choices?

Nobody Does It Better

Don't do things for personal benefit. 

And don't do things to avoid personal damage. 

Do things to feel personal authenticity.  

Then your life will make sense, 

no matter what is going on around you.

~Neale Donald Walsh

What does authenticity mean to you?

A willingness to be vulnerable?

To be honest, admit a mistake, or make an amends?

A personal expression of happiness,

(or sadness)

a bit of fashion that's out of the ordinary,

smiling at a stranger who could use your joy?

Or...

Is your life defined by

the job

the partner

the children

the money

or for that matter

the absence of

the job

the partner

the children

the money?

For today,

try life from the inside out.

Strive to do three things 

that reflect the true essence

of who you are,

and see what happens.

You be you today.

Nobody else does it better.

Beautiful People

“The most beautiful people we have known 

are those who have known defeat, 

known suffering, 

known struggle, 

known loss, 

and have found their way out of the depths. 

These persons have 

an appreciation, 

a sensitivity, 

and an understanding of life

that fills them with 

compassion, 

gentleness, 

and a deep loving concern. 

Beautiful people 

do not just happen.”
~ Elizabeth Kubler Ross

B Iden Payne Buzz 2010

The B Iden Payne nominations are out

and NxNW Theatre deserves a nod:

Micah Goodding 

has been nominated

for his work in 

The Laramie Project Ten Years Later.

Congratulations Micah!  

Pollyanna Theatre Company

is yet again amongst the nominees!

Congratulations to my colleagues and friends.

I'm so pleased and proud to be a company member.

And if the buzz around such things wasn't enough

check out Julie and Judy on KVUE this morning.

 Congrats to these fine people and all the other nominees!

Apology

A true apology 

is more than just acknowledgment

of a mistake.

It is the recognition 

that something you have said or done

has damaged a relationship

and that you care

about the relationship

enough to want it repaired and restored.

~Norman Vincent Peale

Angry People

"Angry people want you to see how powerful they are

...loving people want you to see how powerful You are."

- Chief Red Eagle

Who are you?

Appearances

“Fair as the exterior may be,

if you go in, 

you will find bare places, 

heaps of rubbish that can never be taken away, 

cold hearths, 

desolate altars,

and windows veiled with cobwebs”

~Unknown

What Is Within You?

 If you bring forth what is within you, 

what you bring forth will save you. 

If you do not bring forth what is within you, 

what you do not bring forth will destroy you.

~Gospel of Thomas

Coming Out Again, Sorta...

It's time to come out all over again, sorta,
and I'm excited!

I have been asked by the lovely Merryn Johns, editor of Curve Magazine,

to embark on blogging about Spirituality online for the magazine.

I haven't been so tickled since discovering Mexican Pepsi.

Ok, well, it's MUCH more exciting than that, but I'm tickled, nonetheless.

Look for the first blog in October.

Oh, and if you're wondering "what a lesbian looks like"

you can find out in every issue of Curve Magazine,

in the feature

"This Is What A Lesbian Looks Like." 

In the November issue, 

she'll look like me.

Brenda Ladd did the photo shoot for me.

When this photographer/chaplain/actor/director

needs a photograph,

she goes straight to the top.

Brenda's the best,

and we had a GREAT time 

doing the shoot.
(The photo above is NOT from the shoot,
it's a self portrait, done in the great lighting found
in my bathroom.  ;-) )

Look for Brenda's work of me

in the November issue of Curve,

and I'll keep you posted on 

the first blog post.

This is gonna be great fun!

Meet The Parents

I can't remember the last time

I felt so squishy about my parents.

I love them so much.

Even though

they've both died,

I feel closer to them than ever before.

I have a new found respect,

a deeper compassion,

and a profound affinity
for them both.

That is all.

Place Your Call

Who have you been calling out for

when who you've been calling out for

is begging inside you, to be noticed?

What has life been calling you to do,

while you were creating a false sense of security,

trying to prove that you were ok,

when you've always been ok,

and therefore, 

could do anything you were called to do?

Where do you place a call

when the space inside you

is where the connection is needed?

Sticky Web

Some people have

the ability to create a version 

of reality

like a sticky web

and make it sound

like the most reasonable thing imaginable.

All the little hooks of

superiority and guilt and shame 

are part of a strategy

to get you to question yourself

and sign on to their version of reality.

~El

Belonging

Detail of steel beam from WTC 9/11 bombing now housed in a memorial at The Texas State Cemetery

9/11

 

I'm a day late on my own experience.

 

Yesterday was my birthday,

so I didn't rush to comment.

 

It was a day filled with sorrow and loss,

joy and fulfillment,

and hope.

All of that.

The whole package.

This is what I've grown to accept

about my birthday.

Yesterday was made even more poignant 

by sharing in the experience

with several people

who had lost their homes to fire.

Loss.

What a powerful emotion

associated with the unavoidable

forward movement we call change.

It brings us closer together,

driven to belong somewhere

after we mistakenly thought what belonged to us

gave us a sense of belonging.

A person, a house, a job...

 

In the recent past,

I myself have "lost,"

both by choice and

the appearance of circumstance,

everything I have associated with

a sense of belonging.

My relationship,

my job,

my home,

and 

parts of my social community.

And I've had it happen all at the same time.

And the most devastating part, for me,

was to have "lost"

a sense of belonging.

A divorce,

A job loss, 

A fire,

a death,

A terrorist attack. 

 They redefine how we 

experience a sense of belonging

in the world. 

There is no way to prevent change,

whether it's "good or bad."

(whatever that may mean)

but the human condition,

as far as I can tell,

drives each of us to 

connect and belong

in a sense of shared experience.

 

A sense of belonging

shapes our lives

and contributes to our happiness.

This, I certainly felt yesterday,

and I hope others who are experiencing loss

at this time,

have that experience as well.

It certainly makes

living in a chaotic world

easier.

This blog was started on my birthday, 

two years ago, 

in a quest to belong 

and feel uplifted

in the experience of a loss,

and to reach for a sense 

of belonging

and connection.

Here we are.

Central Texas Fires - The Smoke

At first, 

you might think there's nothing odd 

about this photo at all.

Except...

it's a magnificently "clear" day 

here in Austin,

weather wise,

and the sky this morning 

was as beautiful azure blue as you'd want to see.

Then the Bastrop wildfire smoke

hit an inversion layer

and descended upon us.

Here to stay for awhile,

but not too long.

This is the part where 

I wish we had an olfactory feature

in our digital cameras.

Why not?

We've got every other bell and whistle.

It smells like a campfire out there,

well, with a bit of plastic thrown in...

The good news is,

this weather pattern 

that is trapping the smoke in the air

is helping firefighters 

battle the blaze 

in Bastrop,

but the winds change

and kick up tomorrow again

from the northeast.

They hope to get some if it contained enough 

so that it doesn't spread further,

but if they can't,

then it will get worse.

"Good intentions are at least, 

the seed of good actions; 

and every one ought to sow them, 

and leave It to the soil and the seasons 

whether He or any other gather they fruit." 

~ William Temple Sr.

May our good intentions gather fruit right now.

Snapshot ;-)

"A good snapshot stops a moment from running away." 

~Eudora Welty

Central Texas Fires

It was a surreal experience yesterday sitting at a light just outside my neighborhood watching a huge plume of smoke 40 miles from my house. I was listening to the BBC World News report on the very fire from which I was seeing smoke.  

There's a glorious view of the hill country just up the hill from my house where I viewed the smoke from another fire burning land and homes to the west in Steiner Ranch.  It was a stunningly beautiful day yesterday, but the fires were having a serious impact all around us.

I know we claim that God loved Texas so much he made the sunset burnt orange, but we had a little help yesterday from some smoke.  Here's the view from East Austin.

Last night at midnight, I found myself on a dirt road taking photos of only a portion of the Bastrop fire.  It's huge, sixteen miles long.  It is devastating the town, as we all have heard.

The fire in Steiner Ranch destroyed 35 homes - and some of those were the homes of friends. There were 22 NEW fires that broke out just yesterday.  In the last 48 hours over 700 homes have been destroyed. 

There's no way to be more than one degree of separation away from someone who has been impacted - I have a colleague who lost her home. She lost her dog too because she wasn't home when the area was evacuated and closed down. She could not return to get her dog.  He was killed in the fire. The news broke my heart.

Gratefully and lovingly, I am aware of my precious Sam, who is sprawled, sleeping right next to me on his back, having his after breakfast nap as he does every morning while I journal and begin my day.

I took this photo of the smoke from the Bastrop fire just behind Overton Elementary in East Austin.  It's the view the students have today as they return to school.

The great big beautiful expanse of land here is a tinder box.

Think, pray, meditate (or do whatever it is you do) on this area of Central Texas. We're completely grateful for the cooler temperatures, and now we are grateful in advance, for gentle soothing rain.

"Lying is nasty business.  

It requires creating trust just so one can break it.  

Nice stuff that" 

~Barb

Reaching Out

Make Peace

 It may sound odd, 

but the fastest way to get to a new-and-improved situation

is to make peace with your current situation.” 

- Abraham